Watch and See…
[It always surprises me how much strength can be caused by tension. Bridges can hold tons of pounds based on the concept of tension. for more information on how suspension bridges work, see http://science.howstuffworks.com/bridge1.htm. It is a mixture of compression and tension. This past month, I've experienced plenty of both.]
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After making my commitment to go to Hong Kong and Cambodia, I have spent hours, agonizing hours, deliberating whether to go or not. Wondering whether I was clearly stepping out of my Father’s will. Wondering whether I was even willing to stay in Michigan if I was supposed to. Wondering why I would go when clearly I’m too weak to be useful. I don’t know enough, I’m not bold enough, I’m not qualified, I’m too qualified… I can go on, but I’ll restrain myself for your sake.
But then I realized that I was too afraid to actually go because I didn’t believe that I could do anything. I knew that I would make mistakes, perhaps terrible ones. Perhaps, I would even not be as good as someone else, God forbid. My pride was afraid of being hurt. I was afraid that my Father wouldn’t use me.
Now I know that I can expect Him to show up. And I do.
As I leave for Hong Kong in a bit over 24 hours, I expect crazy things to begin happening. Things I cannot do on my own. Things that I can’t explain.
Of course, there is a lot that I can’t explain. This is the tension between expectation and what will actually be. And this tension really is the best exercise for learning how to trust. It is utterly out of my control what will be, but by trusting, there is space for my Father to work. It isn’t even about me.
And work He will.
Just watch and see…
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